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Learning a new way to drive

By Father Dennis Meinen
View from the scooter

Driving Test questions: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last year?

a: zero or one, because I'm generally a safe driver

b: two or three, because I've had some unlucky breaks

c: before or after they took my license away?

Q. What hand gesture do you use most while driving?

a: "go ahead"

b: "thank you"

c: "clenched fist"

I had a different kind of driving test recently. I went up to Sanford Hospital in Sioux Falls, S.D. for a driving evaluation to possibly get hand controls in my accessible van. Why? I noticed that I was unconsciously putting my hand under my right knee to lift it up a bit when I knew I was going to put on the brake soon. The wonderful folks at the Sioux City VA clinic and the VA hospital in Sioux Falls could probably imagine some little child running in front of my van and a leg cramp or sprained wrist would slow my reaction time.

So here I was at Sanford Hospital to see Becky in Outpatient Rehab. She had me wait in the lobby while she assembled the hand controls in a car that might have been used in a Demolition Derby contest. Finally I was “placed” in the passenger seat, oblivious to a key equipment piece that would both save my life and cause my instructor to pull her hair out.

She drove us to an empty parking lot about 3 blocks from the hospital (The only thing I could hit were tall light poles scattered throughout the parking lot, mocking me in their stand off-ish positions. I began the SLOW transfer to the driver’s seat, wishing I had a block and tackle to assist me. FINALLY I WAS READY FOR THE “EVALUATION.”

There was one big honking handle on my left side since I’m left-handed and it had cables attached to the brake and gas pedal. All I had to do was push the HH (Honking Handle), put it in drive and pull the HH to begin driving. Round and round I went, with the instructor making “S’s” on the exam paper (which I hoped meant “satisfactory,” and not some other word.)

Finally I was done and she said I could move back to the passenger seat and she would drive us back to the hospital. EXCEPT THE CAR WOULD’T MOVE! She took off the hand controls and threw them in the back seat but THE CAR STILL WOULDN’T MOVE! She wondered if she had to call the maintenance men to drive over and figure this car out. She happened to glance over my way and calmly said, “DENNIS YOU’VE GOT YOUR FOOT ON THE INSTRUCTOR’S BRAKE PEDEL! My foot didn’t even feel or notice this “key equipment piece that would both save my life and cause my instructor to pull her hair out.”

We both ended this Friday laughing till our sides hurt and the tall light poles scattered throughout the parking lot, giggling in their stand off-ish positions.