THE GLOBE
PO BOX 5079 (51102)
1825 JACKSON ST.
SIOUX CITY, IA (51105)
712.255.2550
800.352.9035
WWW.CATHOLICGLOBE.ORG

By Jerry Eaton, LMSW
Executive Director
Catholic Charities

Children are our most precious asset. Children also provide us with an early warning system for problems in our society. When we look at the problems children have, we often focus our attention on the children and rightfully so. Yet, by doing this we often overlook that many of the problems children have are a symptom of failure, not of children, but instead the failure of adults and the society that we as adults have created.

At Catholic Charities we recognize the importance of family as the basic and foundation structure of all of society and many of the problems children face and our society faces start within our families. While we all want what is best for our children, what does that mean? Does it mean the best education, grades, opportunities, and success? How do we determine success?

Sometimes the children we see have a lot of pressure placed on them by their parents to perform and achieve something their parents weren’t able to do. Sometimes when this happens there are great results, sometimes with okay results and sometimes with tragic results. Sometimes in our work we see that the pressure to perform is so unrealistic and so much needed by the parents that parents not only become angry at the child, they also get angry at the child’s teachers, at the child’s coaches, at the referee’s in games, etc. It is not only embarrassing; it is hurtful as well. In addition, just as children are rewarded for success, some children are abused because of the unrealistic expectations of parents and the “failure” of the child to meet those expectations.

After many years of working with children and parents there are some key things that I think are important, that often are taken for granted, and perhaps even overlooked in what we want for our children. The most important thing I see that we don’t often put into words is our responsibility as parents and adults to raise children to become good loving human beings. We stress success and define success most often in economic terms as adults, and in grades, or in winning some competition for our children. Yet, nothing helps children and our society more than raising our children to be good loving human beings.

Life is difficult and made even more difficult by our failure to live up to standards of behavior as adults that are respectful, honorable, and good in our treatment of others. Children learn about life in our homes. Schools, Churches, teachers, friends, television and other media have an impact on our children but none have more impact than their own families.

Every day of the week daughters are being taught by their fathers what kind of man to look for in marriage, not so much by what their father’s say but by the way their father’s act. Our sons are being taught by their mother’s what kind of woman to look for in marriage, not so much by what their mother’s say but by the way their mother’s act. How often do we as parents recognize that this is going on in our children? Sons look to their father’s as their prime example of what it is to be a man.  Daughters look to their mother’s as their prime example of what it is to be a woman.  Sometimes they fight with their parents in their adolescence because they aren’t sure they can live up to their dad or mom, or because they aren’t sure their dad or mom are such a good examples.

Family is the foundation we build our lives on. If we are aware of the impact family has on our children and on our society, we have the opportunity to ensure our children the best chance at real success. If we do this well there will be less involvement with drugs and alcohol. There will also be less chance they will become an unwed parent, male or female. There is less chance they will “fail” at school or in any other endeavor.  We can still be concerned about all the other things, but if we focus on raising good loving human beings by creating a good loving family then all of those other things have a much better chance of ending up with a productive result. Even if our child doesn’t win a Nobel prize, isn’t elected president, isn’t rich, isn’t anything more than a good husband, wife, mom, dad, while living independently as a healthy, happy and successful human being many of the problems of their children will be much easier to work through.

Children are our most precious asset. Children also provide us with an early warning system for problems in our society. When we look at the problems children have, we often focus our attention on the children and rightfully so. Yet, by doing this we often overlook that many of the problems children have are a symptom of failure, not of children, but instead the failure of adults and the society that we as adults have created.