THE GLOBE
PO BOX 5079 (51102)
1825 JACKSON ST.
SIOUX CITY, IA (51105)
712.255.2550
800.352.9035
WWW.CATHOLICGLOBE.ORG

By Jerry Eaton, LMSW
Executive Director
Catholic Charities

“To trust is to be kind to others. How do we feel toward someone who seems kind at first, but when called into question does not have faith in us? Their kindness has no substance – it is soulless courtesy. And how do we feel, instead, when someone has more faith in us than we have in ourselves? We feel uplifted, because that faith helps us discover in ourselves a trait or ability we perhaps didn’t know we had.” – Piero Ferrucci

 True kindness is developed through life experience that builds maturity and humility. There certainly is a need, as part of the process of developing genuine kindness, to teach, show and expect basic politeness and courtesy. Like many things we take for granted, however, basic politeness and courtesy aren’t an end, they are a means to an end.

They are a means to an end that develops within us the love that God places in our hearts. Genuine kindness always is based in a common faith of the potential for bringing out the best within us, and in others for the common good of all.

 Think of the love of a parent for their child and the importance of genuine kindness in the successful development of that child. Within that love is genuine kindness that teaches, shows, and expects basic politeness and courtesy in the development of their child so that the child can be healthy, happy and successful in life. There is also genuine kindness that understands that the child will make mistakes, fail, and need their parent to believe in them enough to help them use that mistake or failure positively as they develop the humanity of their child. That genuine kindness may not be labeled as such by the child but it is being taught to the child by the parent through their behavior toward the child.

Think of the love of a spouse and the importance of genuine kindness in the development of a genuine loving relationship. Within that love is a genuine kindness that respects, honors, and expects genuine kindness in return. In this genuine kindness we become aware of all the little things about each other that may drive us crazy, but that are really not all that important. In genuine kindness we don’t continually push for change, make fun of, or embarrass our spouse in front of others by pointing out the things that drive us crazy about them. This genuine kindness may not be labeled as such but it is very important in the development of a genuine loving relationship.

 The importance of genuine kindness is something we’ve all felt. Who are the people that have been most important in our lives and had the most positive impact on our lives? Just think of a time when one of those people, maybe a parent, maybe a teacher, maybe a friend, maybe someone at work, had faith in you and how that faith in you did help you discover in yourself a trait or ability you perhaps didn’t know you had. The more of these circumstances you can think of the more you become aware of the impact of true kindness.

 I’m sure it isn’t hard also to now think of circumstances when someone has been polite and seemed kind at first but you then found out that they had no faith in you. The feelings associated with these circumstances are much different than the circumstances when someone showed you true kindness. As we contrast these two situations the importance and difference between basic politeness and true kindness becomes clear.

 Now if we take a moment we can also put ourselves into the circumstance of either showing or not showing true kindness and easily realize the impact of that on others. None of us are perfect and while it is easy to point out what others need to work on, how easy it is for us to admit our own need to develop common courtesy and basic politeness into true kindness?

 The meaning of the messages between parent and child have a much different outcome if there is true kindness that has been developed and understood at the base of the relationship between parent and child. It is the same with the relationship between spouses. It is the same in almost all of our daily relationships as well.

 Pretty much everyone is good at basic politeness and courtesy but there are many people who seem to stop there and not go on to develop true kindness and the love that God places in our hearts.