THE GLOBE
PO BOX 5079 (51102)
1825 JACKSON ST.
SIOUX CITY, IA (51105)
712.255.2550
800.352.9035
WWW.CATHOLICGLOBE.ORG

Helping troubled families

By Jerry Eaton, LMSW
Executive Director
Catholic Charities

I have been thinking about how much more difficult it will be to provide needed services with the economic downturn and all the trouble in the financial markets adding to the stress that families already face. At Catholic Charities we discovered long ago that people need far more than financial assistance; many times the pressure families are under leads to the family being torn apart. Really, when this happens it is the tearing apart of the basic foundation of all of society, the family, and if we can intervene to help a family work together productively as they face difficult challenges we can do much more for them than any financial assistance can provide.

As I thought about this I remembered a young man I worked with many years ago. His family had been torn apart by divorce. I wrote an article about him many years ago and wanted to share it with you again. It is the type of situation we face with our clients at Catholic Charities even during good times, but we all know how difficult times can increase the number of families needing our services as they too face the possibility of their family being torn apart.

John, not his real name, was only 11 years old, but at his young age and in his own words, “Life to me was a pile of dirt. Suicide was one of my goals. I wasn’t being loved like I was supposed to be and I was getting bad grades in school.”

Can you imagine a child of 11 years of age with a goal of suicide? An eleven-year-old boy should be full of life, not despair. He should be thinking of ball games and hitting homeruns. He should be dreaming of a wide-open future full of opportunity to love, to be loved and to feel worthwhile.

What was his problem? In his own words, “The cause of it was my dad, the divorce, and my sister. My dad because of the way he treated me, the divorce because I felt I had to parent to take my dad’s spot, and my sister because of her actions and manners.”

He was a very intelligent young man and he was scared. He was taking on too much responsibility in his young life, trying to control everyone and everything because his life had become chaotic. He thought his dad left because of him, and that his dad didn’t like him. He couldn’t count on his mom because she was hurting so much herself her own needs overwhelmed her. At eleven years old he put himself in charge and fought with everyone who wouldn’t do what he wanted, even his teachers at school.

We worked with him, his parents, and his sister. We talked with his teachers at school. What did he discover? Again in his own words, “ I don’t have to be a parent because I’ve got a mom and dad and I can’t take their place. [He also found out his dad loved him.] I let mom be the mom and me be the kid. [What a relief that was, to be just a child again.]

I look for good things before I look at the bad things. [He didn’t have to be on guard and always in control.] I believe in myself. [Once he didn’t have to take on adult responsibilities and could just be a child, he didn’t have to make choices he didn’t have the maturity to make.]

I don’t have to comment on everything or try to control everything. [He could relax and do and think about age appropriate things without all the pressures he had put on himself.] I can get the love when I need it. [He was able to feel loved again.]”

No child wants life to be a pile of dirt. Every child wants to be loved. Behind their anger, behind their misbehavior is pain and fear. His mother knew this and knew she needed help. She also couldn’t afford to pay a full fee. If it hadn’t been for our ability to provide services on a sliding fee scale based on the ability of our clients to pay John couldn’t have gotten the services he and his family needed. Services that were needed to take this young child from despair and thoughts of suicide to good feeling about himself, his family and his life.

That is what the dollars donated to Catholic Charities provide, needed therapy to those who can’t afford it on their own. This young boy, just eleven years old, who doesn’t even know you, had his life changed for despair to hope because of your generosity that allowed us to provide a much needed service.

Sometimes we get so busy with our work we forget to say thank you. Your support allows us day in and day out to provide critically needed services to families. Thank you.