Secrets are for sissies

Families of chemically dependent people sometimes go to extreme lengths to hide their secret. They keep a smiling face in public. They assume if they go on with their lives in a normal way that no one will guess the truth. The secret will be safe. But in most cases, it's the secret that everyone knows.

It's hard to shield a husband who drinks excessively for very long. Sooner or later he or she will have trouble at work or in the community. Men have a higher rate of driving-related incidents, as an example. If they have had an OWI arrest, they face jail time, fines, loss of their driver's license and possible legal consequences if an accident is involved. It's hard to keep that secret because it is public information and may come out in the newspaper.

Women are less frequently identified as alcoholic or drug dependent. If a woman does not work outside the home, she can hide her addiction easily. It's the perfect scenario for chemical dependency to flourish because her isolation is her safety net. Her secret is safe as long as no one forces the issue.

Teenagers have greater difficulty hiding an addiction than adults. Their family may protect them by trying to take care of the problem themselves. "If you don't stop smoking marijuana we will take your car away from you." The intent is genuine, but rarely does it work.

Schools are on the alert for teens who might be using alcohol or other drugs. The prevention programs offered by most schools provide an arena for educating not only kids but also teachers to the dangers of substance abuse. Teenagers who exhibit behaviors that may be related to alcohol or drug usage are an easy target for knowledgeable school authorities. It's hard to keep a secret in a school.

There is a wall of denial around everyone who experiences difficulty with alcohol or other drugs. That wall may be self-constructed or it may be erected by others. Walls are about boundaries. They offer protection and safety from discovery or harm. In the case of alcoholism or drug dependency, the wall of denial protects the disease but it also incarcerates the victim.

Denial is a defense mechanism. We all use it at times to protect ourselves from trouble. Remember how Peter used denial to save his skin? When confronted about his relationship with Jesus, Peter three times denied any association with Him. He knew in his heart that his denial was cowardice, yet his lack of courage to face danger overcame his loyalty to his friend, Jesus. He wept at his weakness.

So, denial is nothing new. It has been around forever. Denial is how we keep our secrets. But behind denial dwells someone who is sick, scared and desperate. Peter undoubtedly felt that way.

Keeping secrets is not always in our best interests, especially when those secrets protect a disease such as chemical dependency. The wall of denial must be broken down and the secrets released before healing can happen.

Alcoholism and drug addiction may be carefully kept secrets. But they are usually the secrets that everyone knows.

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