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Guarding children against the perils of Facebook, the internet

By KARA KOCZUR, Globe staff reporter
(Email Kara)

While Facebook has privacy settings that allow users to filter out unwanted content and even restrict viewing of their profiles to friends only, parents still need to be aware of potential dangers in order to keep their children safe.

“On the internet, you can be anybody and you can have any intention,” said Father Brad Pelzel, diocesan vocations director.

Mike Gaspers and his wife, Anita, are aware of the risks and therefore try to keep a close eye on their teenage daughters’ internet usage, including their Facebook accounts. Lara and Mal, ages 16 and 15, recently joined the site, with the requirement that their father would be one of their Facebook friends.

“We are concerned that our daughters are mature enough to deal with the content available and are uncertain about what’s really there,” Mike said. “We want both our daughters to grow in God’s goodness and realize all the potential placed within them. We wonder will Facebook support this outcome? Perhaps not without our involvement.”

Both girls admit that knowing their dad could read the comments posted on their walls makes them more conscious of what they say and do. For the most part the girls are okay with the arrangement, though they sometimes feel that their dad is “lurking over their shoulders” and that they have a right to privacy.

“I explain their right to privacy is limited and trumped by a parent’s right to protect and nurture their children,” said Mike, who is a parishioner at St. Mary’s in Danbury.

He and his wife are concerned that people may prey on their children intellectually, emotionally or sexually through Facebook or other online services, he said.

“Parents need to be vigilant,” Mike said. “Despite what they may say, I believe strongly your children appreciate your vigilance even when it’s irritating.”

It’s important for parents to know what their children are involved in, Father Pelzel said. They should know who their children’s friends are and what goes on over the internet. Parents shouldn’t be condemning toward their children, he said, but they also shouldn’t be afraid to bring up questionable behavior or language, even from friends, and ask their children to help them understand the situation. It can be a way of challenging their kids on what their friends and world view as acceptable.

“Of course everybody wants to be everybody’s friend, but you’re also their parent, you’re also responsible,” Father Pelzel said. “Part of that is lovingly calling them to task when they seem to be going out of bounds.”

When it comes to Facebook, Mike recommends at least one parent get an account and understand how the site works. Parents should set limits to access and how much time their children can spend on the site and on the internet. In the Gaspers home, both girls only get to use the computer around their parents.

“Be aware of the groups your kids are in, monitor who are their friends and the conversations they have,” Mike said. “Are they typically teenage in nature or something else?”

Mike and Anita admit it’s impossible to regulate what doesn’t go on in their own home. However, parents still need to know as much as they can, what their children are up to, they said.

“You cannot control all access if they are not in your own home,” Mike said. “They will have access, perhaps unmonitored at their friends or at the library. Given this, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open so that issues of concern or troubling behavior can be discussed.”