Real love, chastity go hand in hand, speaker says

BY KARA KOCZUR, Globe staff reporter
April 10, 2008

Students roared with laughter as Jason Evert hoisted "Trixie" over his shoulder and dangled her over the edge of the "Grand Canyon" April 2 at Bishop Heelan High School in Sioux City.

Evert, a national chastity speaker from San Diego, Calif., used the scenario to illustrate what really happens when a guy tries to see how far he can go with a girl.

"How many of us guys would take a girl that he loves to a dangerous place to see how close he can get to killing her?" he asked.

Evert spoke to over 1,000 students throughout the Diocese of Sioux City April 1 and 2. His presentation, "Romance Without Regret," was given at Charter Oak-Ute High School, Kuemper Catholic School in Carroll, St. Mary's High School in Storm Lake, St. Mary's Church in Spirit Lake, Gehlen Catholic School in Le Mars, and Bishop Heelan High School.

The focus of Evert's talk was what real love is versus what society says love is. Throughout his talk, Evert made the distinction between love and its "counterfeit," lust.

Waiting to give

"Love can wait to give, but lust can't wait to get," Evert said. "When it's real love-watch it-it brings you closer to God, your family and your friends."

But to be able to fully love, it requires true manhood and true womanhood. Unfortunately, Evert said, it is difficult not to buy into the lies the media sells about what it means to be a man or woman.

"I don't know if the girls realize, but for all of guys here, we've been lied to about what it means to be a man. ...We hear, 'If you want to be a man today, you've got to get some from the ladies,'" he said, adding that guys are supposed to learn about manhood from their fathers, but some of them haven't seen their fathers since they were three. "Guys, we know it isn't real manhood, but we hear this stuff and we start believing it."

Evert told the girls they are also lied to. Billboards tell a girl that her body is "disgusting," he said, and that they're too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall. Society tells her that once she becomes a woman, she has something men want.

"The world convinces her that the priceless gift of her body is worthless," Evert said.

Modesty

Therefore, he added, girls think that dressing sexy is the only way to get a guy's attention, leading them to believe modesty is "a joke."

While he acknowledged that girls have "no clue" how visual guys are and that dressing sexy can get a guy's attention, that attention lasts only for a little while. The guy soon becomes bored and moves on, Evert said, leaving the girl to wonder if only she was skinnier, prettier or even sexually active, maybe he would have stayed.

Modesty isn't just about showing a guy how not to think of her, as one who only has sexual value, he said, but about showing him how to think of her, with dignity and respect.

"Modesty means a girl takes the beauty of womanhood and uses it to show guys her dignity," he said. He added that he didn't know how to treat a girl until he dated one in college who dressed modestly. He described it as "captivating."

"I'll grant you girls, you have a God-given power to turn a guy's head, but you can also change his heart," Evert said.

Modesty should be viewed as a veil, he said, and "you don't veil something that's dirty." To make his point, Evert used the example of a woman's stomach, the womb, which is sacred because "it's the tabernacle for life."

Dignity

But, before a girl can convince a guy of her dignity, she must believe it first.

"No girl, on earth, will ever convince a guy of her dignity, until she first convinces herself," Evert said.

No downtime existed during Evert's talk as he filled nearly two hours with real life stories from friends and past experiences and included statistics. He also touched on tough issues: STDs, birth control, cohabitation and pornography.

"Porn is the perfect way for a guy to shoot his future marriage in the head," he said. "When a guy tries to deny that [porn] is a problem . . . he loses his masculinity."

Evert also surprised the crowd by telling them that the human papillomavirus (HPV) is now the most common STD. According to the Centers for Disease Control, about 20 million people are currently infected with HPV, and approximately 6.2 million Americans will become infected with HPV each year. It estimates that half of all sexually active men and women will get infected with HPV at some point in their lives. Many people don't even know they're infected, as the disease is often symptomless and there is no test for men.

A bit of humor

Although the subject matter was serious, Evert didn't fail to include humor.

"You aren't going to be compatible-it's part of marriage," he said, adding that living together before marriage won't change that. "You know what happens when a girl moves her stuff into a guy's bathroom? That's called a hostile takeover."

Evert told students that it wasn't too late if they had already become sexually active. He told them the story of his wife and how she was sexually active in high school, but after hearing a chastity talk had a conversion and returned to chastity and the sacrament of reconciliation.

It wasn't always easy for her, but each time she was tempted she wrote a letter to her future spouse, never knowing it would one day be Evert. When they married, Evert received every one of the letters.

During his talk, Evert asked the students to stop and think about their future spouses and what they wouldn't want them to be doing while dating someone else. He told them they shouldn't be doing those things either.

He also asked the students to rise to the challenge of real love.

"If you love a girl, prove it," Evert told the guys. "Men must respond with Ephesians 5, where St. Paul says, 'Men love your brides as Christ loved the church. Hand yourself over to make her holy.'"

He described Christ's sweating of blood, scourging, crowning of thorns, carrying of the cross and crucifixion, adding, "St. Paul says, 'Men love your brides like this.'"

Girls shouldn't settle either. "I beg you girls, set the standard high," said Evert, raising his hand above his head.

Two tips Evert gave students to help them live chastely was to find good friends and only date people with the same values because they won't have to be convinced about the importance of purity.

"Purity is a gift from Jesus Christ," Evert said. "He'll give it to you if you ask for it."

Three ways of asking for it, he said, are by going to confession regularly, going to Mass and by devotion to Our Lady.

"Never leave the Mass," he said. "My wife and I go to Mass every day of the week. All the strength I have to love her I get straight from the Eucharist."