Presenting priests with gifts

By KATIE LEFEBVRE, Globe staff reporter
Nov. 15, 2007

Priests are often presented an honorarium, a gift that is given in gratitude for a service provided, for presiding at a special service. One Globe reader recently inquired - What is the standard for gift giving?

"In my experience, most of the faithful provide these gifts after a special service, such as the celebration of a baptism or a wedding," said Msgr. Mark Duchaine, vicar general of the Diocese of Sioux City and pastor at St. Mary's in Mapleton. "In some instances there is no offering given at all, and in other cases the offering is exorbitant compared with the service provided."

He added that there is not a guideline as to what "constitutes a suitable amount." It depends on the person making the gift.

"In any event, when it is a matter of providing a sacramental service, the minister has no 'right' to expect such an offering, let alone 'charge' for his services. That would constitute simony, a grave sin in the eyes of God and the church," said the vicar general.

In Msgr. Duchaine's experience, gifts accompanying a baptism are usually small. Gifts accompanying a wedding are moderate and gifts accompanying a funeral are larger still.

"I have found that in celebrating a baptism during Mass it is common for no gift at all to be offered," he said. "I have also found that the priest who prepares a couple for marriage but does not actually perform the wedding ceremony can often be ignored, too. If I am going to celebrate such a wedding, I try to remind the couple to be as generous to the priest-preparer as they are planning to be to the priest-celebrant."

For Father Jerry Feierfeil, pastor at Nativity Parish in Sioux City, baptisms are the least predictable. Sometimes he doesn't receive an offering at all. Generally, if a gift is given, it is $20 or $25. Occasionally a larger gift is given.

"There was a time when you would never have a baptism without something being given - $10, $15 or $20," he said.

Msgr. Richard Zenk, pastor at St. Patrick Church in Akron, also said that gifts for a baptism vary.

"Some people give nothing. Some people give $20," he said. "I don't push it."

As for weddings, it is rare that no offering or gift is given to the priest. Father Feierfeil said he generally receives between $50 and $100 for a wedding. Some parishes have a set charge for the use of the church, custodial services and the priest, but that is not done at Nativity Church.

"At funerals, it is common for the gift to come to the minister through the funeral director, who often receives from the deceased's family permission to tack on an additional amount to his own bill which he will then pass on to the priest or deacon," said Msgr. Duchaine.

According to Father Feierfeil, there is a standard set by the funeral homes in Sioux City as to gifts given to the priest for a funeral.

"A few years ago it was $75 and more recently it has been $100," he said. "If you have the whole thing - the vigil, the funeral itself and go to the cemetery with the family - this is the standard."

Over the years, the amount given for funerals has increased in keeping with cost of living, noted Father Feierfeil.

Another time a priest receives money - a stipend - is for celebrating a Mass for a particular intention. Since October of 1978 in the Diocese of Sioux City, the standard stipend has been $5, Msgr. Zenk stated.

"It is especially important for missionary priests and priests who don't have a parish to receive stipends," said Father Feierfeil. "They ask for us to provide them stipends. They really appreciate it."

At a funeral, there is money given for Masses to be celebrated in a person's name. The parish priest takes some of those Masses and others are given to missionary priests, retired priests or priests without a parish.