SMART MARRIAGES - Family ministers look for ways to strengthen, keep marriages together

By KATIE LEFEBVRE, Globe staff reporter
July 26, 2006

Marriage was a topic of discussion at two conferences recently attended by the coordinator of family programs for the Diocese of Sioux City.

Vera Ludwig traveled to Denver, Colo. for the Taking Ministry to a New Altitude conference along with the Smart Marriages Conference. The National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers sponsored the first conference.

"Smart Marriages started out in 1997 and there were about 200 people there," said Ludwig. "In 2007, which was their 11th conference, there were over 2,400 people there. That is how much it has grown and that is how important people think it is. It is phenomenal, the people that come."

As coordinator of family programs, Ludwig thought it was fitting for her to attend the conferences.

"It is a wonderful opportunity to hear from the who's who and the what's what of the marriage arena nationally and to find out what is going on, what programs are being used and become more educated in areas that I need to know about," said Ludwig.

The Smart Marriages Conference featured 200 of the nation's top marriage experts. Ludwig pointed out that there are clinicians, researchers, program developers along with activists and policy makers who presented at the conference.

"A lot of the information at Smart Marriages is skill-based trainings and education about those programs," said Ludwig.

She mentioned that she attended wonderful workshops that she will be able to use in future programs for the diocese.

"One of the workshops that really struck me was Rewiring Premarital Preparation," said Ludwig. "This gentleman calls the young people who are born between 1984 and 2002 as the mosaics and Generation X is the next group. They communicate in a different way and we have to get on board with how they communicate."

She pointed out that this workshop alone was worth going to the conference because "that is who we are ministering to."

Another workshop that she attended was about marriage savers for cohabitating couples that she thought was also very good.

"In our culture today, it is probably a rarity that couples don't live together before marriage," said Ludwig. "That is not what the church teaches."

The workshop showed how to address that issue and that the issue should be addressed. The facilitator of the workshop encouraged the ministers to challenge the cohabitating couples - why are they doing what they are doing?

"Are they doing it because everyone else is doing it? What really is the reason why they are doing it?" said Ludwig.

Dr. Terry Hargrave presented The Essential Humility of Marriage. He talked about the purpose of marriage, what keeps relationships alive, how to deal with unresolved family of origin issues and other issues.

She also went to workshops about how to have more interactive activities and programs.

The National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers meeting was held right before the Smart Marriages conference.

At this meeting, Ludwig noted that she was able to connect with people throughout the United States who are doing family and marriage programs.

One thing that happened at the meeting was the unveiling of the Web site www.foryourmarriage.org. The site asks "What have you done for your marriage today?"

Ludwig plans to use the information that she was able to gain from the workshops in some form back in the Diocese of Sioux City, whether it is for marriage enrichment or for other programs.

Last year there were two marriage enrichment trainings held in the diocese. Ludwig noted that she hopes to hold six training sessions this year.

"From those trainings we will send people back into the parishes and then they will hold them in their parishes or clusters," said Ludwig.

Ludwig concluded that on the Smart Marriages Web site, www.smartmarriages.com, the presenters are listed and their talks are available. The author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray, was a presenter at the Smart Marriages conference as well Anthony Robbins who did a presentation about marriages and families. Each of their presentations is available.

Next year's Smart Marriages conference will be held July 2-5 in San Francisco.