NFP enriches marriage relationship

By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
July 13, 2006

A young couple in the Diocese of Sioux City isn't accustomed to speaking about private matters such as their sexuality in the public forum, but wishing to spread the word about the benefits of natural family planning motivated Forde and Kathryn Fairchild to agree to an interview for this article.

Forde said when he had first read about the Catholic Church's teachings on human life and sexual intimacy "it seemed an invitation to a romanticism in a very unique and high way. To always remember that a sexual act is an opportunity to share the responsibilities and the joy of life is an invitation to draw closer to your partner."

The couple married five years ago and have used NFP from the start of their sacramental union. It was important to the couple to be in keeping with the teachings of the church, but Forde stressed the fact that independently of the authority it made sense to him - "to not separate the act from the purpose."

"NFP helps guard against selfishness because anything you get enjoyment from can become selfish if you enter into it solely for what you get out of it," noted Forde, 32. "If you always keep in mind the opportunity for life in the act, it helps us - or maybe I mean me - to prevent it from being a selfish act. It is richer and more intimate."

The times of abstinence become a gift for the couple, as they grow closer to one another through increased communication and understanding.

"And there will be abstinent times in life - medical reasons and so forth - so it prepares you for that," added Kathryn. "If you have that line of openness and lack of selfishness, it will not be such a trial."

She pointed out that society puts most of the responsibility for birth control on the woman.

"This puts the weight equally on two people," said Kathryn, 31, who is the director of faith formation and campus ministry at Bishop Heelan High School in Sioux City.

Forde, who is an Assistant United States Attorney for the Department of Justice, was quick to add that it becomes "our cycle, not her problem."

Another added benefit is that there are no negative health risks associated with natural family planning.

For Kathryn, she acknowledged that her first real knowledge of NFP came in marriage preparation classes. They were wed at the Basilica of Notre Dame so they had to follow the requirements of the Diocese of Joliet. That diocese required couples take an actual NFP course at the hospital.

"I went to a public high school and in sex education class I never once heard about a woman's true cycle - the indicators of a fertile cycle," she said. "It's a normal thing, but you never hear about it."

One of the main signs of fertility - mucas - was never mentioned. She recalled how as a child she and her friends all thought they had something wrong like cancer.

Forde noted that in a society that is so obsessed with sex, he finds it incredible that most people are ignorant about women's fertility cycles. Prior to NFP education, he put himself in that same category.

Kathryn pointed out that in the marriage prep training in the Diocese of Joliet they learned the Billings method of NFP, but after moving to the Diocese of Sioux City they took refresher courses in the Creighton model through the Fertility Care Practitioners at Mercy Medical Center.

For the first two years of their marriage, the couple practiced NFP to avoid pregnancy, but in recent years they used it to help plan and conceive a child. After three miscarriages, the Fairchilds welcomed Marygrace into the world on May 12 this year.

They plan to continue to use NFP. She pointed out that they are presently moving into uncharted waters with the method as she is nursing their newborn. They have sought the guidance of the NFP practitioners at Mercy. It is a blessing for the couple to have access to experts in this field.

Ideally, the couple would like to wait a while - a year or so - before they have their next child.

It is the Fairchilds' wish that more people would investigate the benefits and effectiveness of NFP.

"I think NFP is looked down upon as ineffective, old-fashioned and unnecessary," said Forde.

In reality, statistics show that NFP is 99 percent effective when used to prevent or postpone pregnancy when used by an instructed and motivated couple.

"NFP can't just be a way to not have kids. You have to use it working with creation." He added, "NFP has been good for us and I think we are closer because of it."

Among their Catholic friends, openness to NFP is mixed, but Kathryn believes that in the secular world as a whole, people appear to look down upon it.

"People tend to not see fertility as a gift," she said.

Forde added, "Don't dismiss NFP because you don't want to be told what to do. Look into it and consider it and know that there is one couple - who is very private and embarrassed to talk about this - feel that it is such an important invitation to intimacy in a relationship that we think it is worth talking about."

Vera Ludwig, family programs director for the diocese, affirmed many of the advantages that the Fairchilds addressed such as increased communication in the marriage.

She stressed the fact that while it is in line with the teachings of the church, they would like couples to use this method because ultimately it benefits the couple and their marriages.

One of the biggest struggles right now is the availability of instructors. The Office of Adult and Family Ministries will work with couples to help them secure the proper instruction necessary to become teaching couples. That office works with the Office of Hispanic Ministry for couples seeking NFP instruction in Spanish.

If you wish to receive more information about NFP contact Ludwig at (712) 233-7532.