Monican Mothers affirms women in mothering

By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
June 8, 2006

FORT DODGE - How many times have you heard someone say they wish parenthood came with an instruction manual?

Parents, especially mothers, like to get the input of others on things big and small. Maybe that's why a group designed for women parenting Catholic children has been around the Fort Dodge area for 50 years.

Monican Mothers celebrated its 50th anniversary in the spring. Like other organizations such as Catholic Daughters and Knights of Columbus, this group for mothers has various chapters. But unlike many groups that are divided along parish or cluster lines, the chapters of Monica Mothers usually form based on the ages of the children.

"I joined Monican Mothers when I was pregnant with my now 23 year old because I had two young step-children. None of my friends were married yet so I had no one to connect with," noted Deb Kelleher. "I teach at St. Edmond now, then Corpus Christi, so I hooked up with a couple of other teachers who were in a chapter. My mother-in-law had told me how much fun her group had so I thought it was a good thing to try."

She explained that the original group was formed in 1956 by women who wanted support and help in raising Catholic children. Originally it was called the Monican Mothers Study Club. Each member read a book of Catholic interest and gave a report.

Connie Gruver belongs to another Monican Mothers group based in Fort Dodge. Most of the women in that chapter have children from infants to middle school age.

Their monthly meetings that are held during the school year generally include an educational topic or presentation followed by discussion of a wide range of topics.

"We have had a lot of interesting people speak to the group such as Sister Delores Hanus who is the administrator of St. Edmond's. She spoke to us about her experiences as a sister. Paula Templemeier from St. Edmond's took a group of students to the Right to Life March in Washington D.C. She came and showed us slides and spoke to us about spearheading a student pro-life group," noted Gruver.

When they get to the discussion part of the night, many of the topics relate to the Catholic faith such as preparing the children for sacraments, but often routine parenting challenges like weaning a child off a pacifier can be addressed.

The women rotate hosting the meeting in their homes and another brings dessert. The main hostess plans the meeting.

Lorraine Itzen, a member of St. Anne's chapter, joined Monican Mothers as a means to get together with other mothers.

"It's a chance to relax with other moms and have a chance to talk about different things that come up with raising a family - in the church or life in general," she said.

Itzen likes the fact that this group has a faith dimension. At some of the meetings, she noted, they will present the Scripture reading for the day and then discuss it.

"I think a lot of the women in the group not only wanted to be a part of a moms' group, but they wanted to uphold their religion and get help in raising their kids in the Catholic faith. It is important to them," she said.

As this group's children move into the teen years, Itzen thinks having some parenting tips and input that is rooted in the faith will be all the more valuable.

Kelleher's group also features programs and have featured speakers from Hospice, a parish priest and hospital chaplain. They also learned the Mysteries of Light that were written by Pope John Paul II and prayed the rosary together.

"We used to play bingo at the county home until it closed, donated prizes," she said. "We aren't a service club, though, mostly just a support group."

Kelleher would love to get some other young mothers involved in a group.

"A lot of women are living away from their own mothers, grandmothers and aunts and it is hard to know where to turn for help or just to talk," she said.

She acknowledged that they have all been through tough times on occasion and its nice to have a place where they can have a sounding board or a safe place where they can vent and complain. It's also a place where they can celebrate the good things.

"Several of us, including me, have dropped out for a few years because of busy schedules and then re-joined," noted Kelleher. "The thing that brings us back is the friendship."

Gruver explained that the group's name came from St. Monica, as that is the Monican Mothers patron saint. They chose the saint based on her devotion to her son, St. Augustine.

"St. Monica had a really hard life. She never gave up her faith and always encouraged her boys in the same direction," said Gruver. At the meetings, they pray the Prayer to St. Monica.

In addition, the individual groups choose a patron saint to name their chapters after. Gruver belongs to St. Anne, the Blessed Virgin Mary's mother. This group just completed their second year and has 12 members. Most chapters are limited to about 15 members so the meetings can be held in homes.

Kelleher, whose mother-in-law Betty Kelleher was a founding member, pointed out that at one time there were about 150 active members in 12 chapters. Right now there are only two groups that are active.

After the kids are raised, many of the groups are not active in the true spirit of their mission, however, Gruver noted that oftentimes the women remain connected.

"It's almost like a lifelong relationship because these women become friends," she said. Many of the women who are no longer in the active chapters meet in their groups for dinner and social get-togethers.