God's Gifts
Faith helps family through experience of physical death of son

By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
May 12, 2005

Witnessing the strong faith of their son and having a good dose of their own helped a Sioux City couple through an extremely difficult time in their lives.

Donna and Bob Culver's son Kevin died on March 7, at the age of 34.

His funeral was on March 14 at Nativity Parish in Sioux City.

Kevin was afflicted with a cancerous brain tumor in September of 2001. Although the tumor turned out to be inoperable, in January of 2002 he started radiation and went through 30 treatments. Tests revealed the tumor was still present in April, but by June it was gone.

Bob explained that a little over two years later, in July of 2004, his son was hospitalized and doctors discovered another tumor.

"He started getting headaches. It was an instant-type thing," recalled Donna, a parishioner at Nativity Parish in Sioux City. With his first affliction, his only symptom was numbness in a hand. Like the first tumor the second one was in the brain, but this was a different form of cancer that was more aggressive and typically more painful.

On July 9, surgeons removed 60 percent of the tumor that was the size of a lemon. Doctors inserted eight time-released chemo wafers on the tumor.

"Then the doctors told us the bad news - that they couldn't get the rest because it was in an area that would affect mobility and everything like that," she said.

With what they believed to be a miraculous healing in the first go round with cancer, the Culvers never lost hope for a recovery.

They mentioned that Kevin had a great attitude and continued with a regular work schedule, working up until six weeks before he died.

"He never complained about anything," stressed Donna. "He ended up developing a blood clot in his leg. That is what really took him down."

She mentioned that when Kevin was going through radiation treatment with the first tumor, he didn't sleep well. He would get up and read the Bible.

"He was a strong, religious person," she said. "He read his Bible to his 8-year-old daughter and taught her Psalm 91, which is our favorite Psalm, a protection Psalm. Our whole family can say it by heart."

Bob, who is retired, would go sit with his son in those final weeks before Kevin died to allow his wife Chris to go to work. They prayed together and listened to Christian music.

"It strengthened our faith to see him go through what he did and not complain," said Bob. "Donna and I believe in Jesus' will to heal people and that has not changed. We don't know the full equation as to why he wasn't healed, because we have seen people healed and have experienced it ourselves. Just because he wasn't healed physically it does not mean that God doesn't want to heal people. Why he wasn't heal, we don't know but will some day."

In the end though, the Culvers believe Kevin received the final and ultimate healing - to be with Jesus.

"Toward the last when Donna was speaking to Kevin and praying with him, suddenly she stopped and asked him if he saw Jesus. That had to be the Holy Spirit because the timing was perfect," said Bob. "She said if you do, squeeze my hand. And he did. That was the only way that he could communicate at that stage. He squeezed her hand hard."

Through Kevin's illness, the Culvers said they experienced many blessings.

For instance, they had anticipated that Kevin would experience tremendous pain because that was the norm for this particular cancer in which he was afflicted. The pain was minimal.

"We had some really quality time to say good-bye, there are so many people who are taken instantly," said Donna.

They also experienced the care and concern of Kevin's co-workers, family members, parishioners of Nativity and the pastor at Nativity, Father Jerry Feierfeil; as well as the care and compassion of Hospice nurses.

The Culvers mentioned that Kevin had always been an uplifting person and his positive outlook held true until the end.

Bob said people would often ask their son what he was going to do when he was healed. Kevin would quote Psalm 118:17 - "I shall not die but live and proclaim the works of the Lord."

"He wasn't healed physically, but he was healed spiritually and he is proclaiming the works of the Lord through his life," said Bob.

Donna added, "And through his brothers and through us."

To remember Kevin, the Culvers are going to host a spiritual gathering on Sept. 10 titled Healing in the Heartland: Siouxland Extreme Spiritual Makeover. They are going to rent the Tyson Event Center for this interdenominational event. A free-will offering will be taken.

Donna pointed out that while she was raised Catholic and Bob was Methodist, when they got married they joined the Episcopal Church. Years later, after that religion became too liberal for Donna, she went through the Catholic Church's Re-Membering Program. She mentioned that the program helped strengthen her faith. Although Bob has never joined the Catholic Church he noted that he has great respect for it and he regularly attends Mass with Donna.

Upon Kevin's death, Donna said she asked for a sign that Kevin was okay and then the following message came to her: 2Samuel 22:5-7, 17-25, 48-50 and chapter 23:2 and 4.

"It was just like he was speaking to me saying, 'Mom, I'm okay. Don't worry about me,'" said Donna.

It was fitting that such a sign came through Scripture as the Culvers have a love of the Bible and so did Kevin.

"The Bible is the most interesting book I've read in my life. Every word counts," she said.

Donna's love of the Bible is just another gift that she credits to Kevin. After seeing her son's devotion to Scripture reading and seeing the strength and comfort it brought to him, she was drawn to it.

They stressed that through Kevin's death not only their faith but also the faith of their extended family and friends was strengthened. Kevin had two brothers - Keith and Kelly - and their families.

"It opened a lot of people's eyes," she said.

One of the Culvers granddaughters designed a bracelet with the initials - LSFK - to stand for Live Strong for Kevin on one side and Psalm 118:17 on the other.

Even at his funeral, Father Feierfeil described Kevin as a teacher of how one tenaciously hangs onto the faith.

The Culvers also tenaciously hang on to their faith and continue to believe that God is good.