The need to enrich marriage after wedding

By KATIE LEFEBVRE, Globe staff reporter
February 10, 2005

"To come together is a beginning, to stay together is progress, to finish together is success." This is a quote from a marriage Web site and should be something that married couples strive for, according to Bev Hurni, director of adult and family ministries for the Diocese of Sioux City.

Married couples have ample preparation before getting married, but what can they do to enrich their life together after the walk down the aisle?

The Diocese of Sioux City offers different resources through the Media Center located at the Central Catholic Offices in Sioux City. Such resources include videos and books that couples can watch and read together to enhance their spiritual relationship.

"What we can offer from our office is resources that people can use as individuals or they can get together with friends that are married and watch a video together and talk about enriching marriages. We also have resources that parishes can use so that on the parish level they can sponsor a marriage enrichment event," said Hurni.

Workbooks or questions for the couple usually accompany the videos so the couple has dialogue along with watching the video.

"I highly recommend things like this," said Hurni. "We spend a lot of time and a lot of money on things in our lives. I think it is good to step back every once in a while and say how much time and how much money am I spending to enrich my marriage. We can't expect marriage preparation to take us through a lifetime together. We have to keep up the work of marriage and pay attention to it. We don't have to spend a lot of money. These things can be borrowed at no charge."

Hurni noted that there is a national, ecumenical movement going on right now to help build stronger marriages. Not only do churches see the importance of marriage but a government study shows that a society is only as strong as its families are, she added.

"More and more churches are developing marriage preparation programs as well as marriage enrichment programs," said Hurni. "There is a group of church people, marriage and family counselors, judges and lawyers, educators and government people who have come together in a consortium called Smart Marriages."

Smart Marriages has a conference every year that attracts 20,000 people that are concerned about enriching marriage so that it will last forever.

"One thing they just sent out was an article about that the key ingredient for good communication is empathy, the ability for both people to feel with their heart and objectively understand what the other person is feeling," said Hurni. "It's listening with both the head and the heart and balancing that."

Questions couples need to ask themselves to keep their marriage in check include: How have I loved my spouse today? Have we spent any time together? Have I complemented them? Have I thanked them? Have I taken them for granted?

Web sites are available for couples to read on their own to help enrich their marriage. A couple of the Web sites include www.susanvogt.net/Marriage.htm and www.smartmarriages.com.

For more information on materials to enrich marriage, contact the Office of Adult and Family Ministries or the Media Center at the Central Catholic Offices in Sioux City.