Domestic violence conference informs - Rev. Al Miles enlightens leaders of all faiths

By KATIE LEFEBVRE, Globe staff reporter
October 7, 2004

The Council on Sexual Assalt and Domestic Violence invited leaders of all faiths to a conference on Oct. 1 to become more informed about domestic violence.

The conference, "Domestic Violence and Faith: A Conference for Leaders from all Faiths," was presented by Rev. Al Miles from Honolulu, Hawaii, in the Stark Student Center on Briar Cliff University's campus.

Rev. Miles is the coordinator of the hospital ministry department at The Queen's Medical Center in Honolulu. He travels around the country speaking about domestic violence.

Those attending from the Diocese of Sioux City included Bev Hurni, director of Adult and Family Ministries; Father Mike Erpelding, co-administrator at St. Boniface Parish in Sioux City; Father Craig Collison, pastor at Sacred Heart Parish in Sioux City; Sister Shirley Waldschmitt, OSF; Viola Snyder, parishioner at St. Joseph Parish in Wall Lake and a few others.

In most cases, those that attended from the diocese commented that they attended to become more informed about domestic violence.

"I thought I needed to learn more skills on how to approach the topic so that if people come into my office who have issues of domestic violence in their life, I could more properly respond to them," said Father Erpelding.

At the conference, attendees received as part of their registration fee one of the books that Rev. Miles has written. The books include "Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know" and "Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know." Along with the books, participants were provided with a folder of information that Rev. Miles presented throughout the day.

The conference began with registration and breakfast at 8 a.m. followed by opening remarks and invocation.

During the first morning session, Rev. Miles talked to the group about the definition of domestic violence, myths and facts about domestic violence, perpetrator tactics and effects on children. The second session was about the vital role of clergy and lay leaders.

"When they addressed the issue about what should you do, the first thing they emphasized was to believe the victim," said Hurni. "I think that is so basic but it is sometimes hard to do because we are naturally kind of skeptic and we want evidence. Sometimes pushing for that evidence might scare them off."

According to what Hurni learned, after believing the victim the second most important thing is safety. If the victim does not have a safety plan, the person that they confided in can help them develop one. There are agencies out there to help keep the victims safe.

"The next step is to hold the batterer accountable," said Hurni. "Say to him, 'I will walk this journey of accountability with you.'"

The first afternoon session focused on when faith is used to justify abuse, and the second was about working together.

"I became more aware that domestic violence is more common than I realized," said Snyder. "It is our duty as Christians to respond with a listening ear, kindness, sympathy and to help that person in a rightful manner."

Another part of the conference Snyder took with her is that if the victim wants to restore the relationship, people should be helpful to her.

Father Erpelding commented that something he took from the conference was the ability to listen to the person and not try to solve their problems but to respond to the needs of the person.

"The thing that impressed me the most was his emphatic request to listen to the person and try to do what they want because you could put them in danger. You have to leave the decisions up to the person that has been abused," said Father Erpelding.

The day ended with closing remarks and evaluation at 4 p.m.

"I think we need to keep learning about what the reality of some peoples' lives are and what we could do to help," said Hurni.