Marriage Still Matters

By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
September 23, 2004

Thousands of people are expected to pack the Tyson Event Center for a marriage rally to be held from 6 to 8 p.m. on Oct. 3 in Sioux City. Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family will be the keynote speaker for this event whose theme is "Take a Stand for Marriage - Marriage Still Matters."

The rally will also feature comments by Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, sponsor of the Federal Marriage Amendment and entertainment by Daren Streblow, a Christian comedian. Following the rally, Tree63 will offer a free concert.

According to Bev Hurni, director of family ministries for the diocese, this is an ecumenical event sponsored by a number of area Christian churches. While the Diocese of Sioux City is not an official sponsor for the rally, diocesan leaders and local pastors thought this would be an opportunity to initiate conversations about what the Catholic church believes about marriage. (Also see the letter by the diocesan administrator on the Editorial Page.)

"The church sees marriage as a natural union between husband and wife, between man and woman," said Father Gerald Feierfeil, pastor at Nativity in Sioux City. "Even before there was such a thing as Christianity and the seven sacraments, as far back as we find the writings of the old covenant, the Old Testament, we find marriage as a blessing that God gives to the human race as a participation in his creative love."

The priest stressed the fact that marriage was an opportunity for people to be joined in love and to bring life into the world.

"When Jesus came and established the new covenant and gave us the seven sacraments as ways of participating in his redemptive work, marriage was raised to the level of a sacrament. The church sees it as a dimension of the way that Jesus blesses people and fills their life with his grace," said Father Feierfeil.

He pointed out that St. Paul says that the love of husband and wife is so beautiful and sacred that he could only compare it with the love that Jesus has for his church.

With that in mind, there are certain qualities that the church sees as essential to marriage. It is to be an exclusive type of love and is a permanent, lifetime bond.

"It is an unbreakable bond, an unconditional bond. The husband and wife promise that they live together for a lifetime, faithful to one another no matter what comes. It is to be a fruitful love, meant to bear children," said Father Feierfeil.

He described marriage as complimentary between man and woman. The marriage relationship is not only physical, emotional and psychological, but also is spiritual.

Hurni pointed out that prior to Vatican II, the primary purpose of marriage was seen as having a family with a secondary purpose of forming a special relationship between the husband and wife.

"Since Vatican II, the focus of marriage is on the biblical covenant relationship. Both of those purposes are equal in value," she stressed. "Just as God has a covenant with his people that is based on unconditional love, the marriage relationship should be a relationship based on unconditional love that mirrors God in the world. When we see married love, witness it and experience it, we should have a glimpse of what God's love is like."

Father Feierfeil pointed out that the sacrament of marriage is unique in that the couple is both the ministers and recipients of the sacrament. The priest or deacon is there as a witness.

"Throughout their lifetime, they are ministering the graces, the blessings of that sacrament to one another which they can do only if are spiritually alive people themselves," said the pastor. "They can continue to minister to each other only if they are people are prayer, only if they share with each other the depths of their faith and if they are for each other the means by which that faith grows."

Hurni added that the marriage relationship often becomes the couple's path to holiness. That is why it is called a vocation. This happens in the ordinary events of life as they care for each other and their children. It is not automatic; however, people need to consciously be open to God's revelation in the day-to-day happenings of family life.

"Forgiveness is an essential part of marital spirituality because no two human beings can live up to the promises that they make in marriage all of the time," she said.

To help foster marital spirituality, the Diocese of Sioux City is sponsoring a retreat Nov. 6 and 7 in Carroll.

The pastor mentioned that it is unfortunate that marriage appears to be under attack in various areas of today's culture.

"If you talk to any priest right now, when you talk about marriage, we are concerned that the environment has become very hostile to marriage. No one is out there attacking - in any real sense - baptism, confirmation or religious practices. People are either indifferent to it or they allow it to go on and even admire it," said Father Feierfeil. "But marriage is literally being attacked."

One of the most visible areas is the push for same-sex marriage.

The U.S. bishops supported the Federal Marriage Amendment that hoped to define marriage as a bond between a man and woman. The amendment failed in the Senate last July.

While the church asks its parishioners to respect others and not be prejudice against them, it does take a stand against same-sex unions.

"When what is proposed is so fundamentally different from the way the church sees marriage, the church cannot accept it," explained Father Feierfeil. "Maybe the question of same-sex marriage is the most visible attack, but I think other attacks may be even worse because they are subtle. Most people see same-sex marriage as a departure of what we have always experienced. There is a lot of resistance to it."

Pre-marital sex and co-habitation are threats that "are no longer seen as outside of the normal experience. I think that is a stronger, more devastating attack on marriage."

"The privilege of sexual intimacy is a privilege of marriage," stressed Father Feierfeil. Sexual activity outside of marriage is condemned in the old covenant and Jesus condemned it as well. "Outside of that, there is overwhelming research evidence that people who live together before marriage are far more likely to have an unsuccessful marriage."

In part, he added, this is due to a lack of commitment that carries over to the marriage.

Husbands and wives need to be clear with each other about what they value and then use these values to make good choices for the whole family. Hurni stressed that in today's culture it is easy get swept away in materialism and individualism.

Along with the theological reasons that support traditional marriage, Father Feierfeil said the church acknowledges that the social institution of marriage - husband, wife and children - is essential to a positive environment in which children can be raised.

"The stable family environment is absolutely essential to a sound society. Even if people have no religious dimension in the way that they look at things - from a sociological point of view - the structure of a father, mother and children is the healthiest and most stable structure in which children can grow to maturity and society itself can remain healthy," he said. "If we begin taking that apart, it is like pulling the bricks in a foundation out from under a house. The structure itself begins to crumble and lose its stability."

Father Feierfeil said that the pastors have received a treasury of insight into marriage by the writings of Pope John Paul II and documents of the U.S. bishops.

Anyone wanting to read these writings or needing ideas or resources for marriage enrichment are invited to contact the Adult and Family Ministries Office.