By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
May 6, 2004

REMSEN - Sarah Arens, a member of the University of Iowa track team, loves to run but knows there are many more significant things in life.

When this 23-year-old 1999 graduate of Remsen St. Mary's High School runs, she does so with hope in her heart and two ribbons in her hair - one orange and one blue.

She wears the orange ribbon in memory of her brother Ben. He was killed three years ago in an ATV accident on April 29, 2001 at the age of 16.

"Ben was really big into hunting. Orange was his favorite color, it was so bright," said Sarah. "I always think of him when I see orange."

She had a track meet just a few days after Ben's death and wore an orange ribbon to symbolize that running wasn't everything. What really mattered was family, friends and her faith.

"I love running, but it was a good reminder that it was just a race," stressed Sarah.

Today she wears a second ribbon - a baby blue ribbon in memory of her fiancé, Seth, who died last October after losing a battle with cancer.

"He had these beautiful baby blue eyes," described Sarah, the daughter of Mary and Keith Arens of Remsen. Mary is the spiritual life director at St. Mary's High School.

Sarah met Seth, whom she refers to as her soul mate, in the summer of 2002 while working as an intern for the U.S. Olympics Committee in Colorado Springs. Seth, who was about to turn 23 at the time, was an intern as well. He also used the time to train for the Para Olympics in swimming. These games are held in the same year and in the same country as the traditional Olympics, but are designed for persons with physical disabilities.

When Seth was 21, nearly his five-year mark for being cancer-free, doctors discovered cancer in his lungs. It was a rare form of cancer called synovial sarcoma.

He had just completed about two years of treatment when the two met in Colorado.

"We dated throughout the summer and when we came back to Iowa, he was going to resume school at Iowa State and I was here in Iowa City. That first month back, he had first appointment and they found spots in his lungs again," she recalled.

By that time, their relationship was already serious. From the very beginning, she noted, they had clicked.

As it happened, his parents reside in Kalona, which is located amid Amish country about 15 minutes from Iowa City. In order to be near Seth and help him through this difficult time, she moved in with his parents and commuted to school. She continues to live there today.

They cherished every moment. However, Sarah acknowledged that there was a little voice that always reminded her that "there was a reason we know how precious every moment is, but you didn't worry." She added, "There was such turmoil, but I have never been as centered as when I was with him."

Their love grew stronger through the adversity.

"He always wanted to propose but he was waiting to get better. He always kept getting worse. That last week before he died, he had his sister get me an eternity ring. It is a simple band with a string of diamonds. That sequence is supposed to mean eternity. In it he had engraved, 'Joined souls'," said Sarah.

Seth asked her to marry him just a few days before he died.

Sarah graduated last year, earning a bachelor's degree in finance. After red-shirting a year, she is now using her fourth year of eligibility in track as she takes graduate courses. She hopes to earn a master's in athletic administration.

"Seth really wanted me to come back for my fourth year of eligibility. He taught me that life goes so fast and it is so worth living that you need to seize every minute," she said. "I know how hard he fought to live and for anyone not to value and appreciate every chance they get - they are wasting it."

She pointed out that Seth was first diagnosed with cancer when he was 16 years old. At that time, his leg was amputated.

"He was a really good athlete and would have given anything to play college ball," noted Sarah.

Sarah acknowledges that she handled the two tragic deaths in her life quite differently.

Ben's death was a real struggle because it was so sudden and such a shock. She spent the summer following her brother's death at home in Remsen. It was comforting to be around family and friends along with spending time at the family cabin - a place Ben loved.

"My family was a great support system, but I think I really fell into my faith through nature," she said. After going back to school in the fall, things were very difficult and at times she had periods of great bitterness.

Journeying with Seth through his illness, Sarah found that her faith grew immensely. Several times he lived when the doctors said he wouldn't make it. In the end, she was better prepared to cope with Seth's death.

"As Seth was having to come to grips with death and I was walking that journey with him, he taught me that there is so much more to life. This is just one step," she said. "When he died, he went so peacefully I felt that we literally just handed him up. It was so comforting."

Experiencing Seth's death gave her new comfort in her brother's death. A self-proclaimed skeptic, Sarah said she gained a great deal of trust and hope as a result of Seth's death.

"That separation with Ben really scared me. When you are younger, you pray for this and pray for that. When you have gone through loss, you learn that not everything is in your hands and you just have to trust in God," she said.

Knowing that the final outcome was in God's hands, she noted, made it difficult for her to know what to pray for as Seth battled the cancer. She often thought of the words of a priest who once told the St. Mary's students that "may not our will be done, but thy will be done."

Loving Seth in that way for just a short time, she added, was "such a gift. Some people go through their whole lives and are never able to experience that. I am so thankful for the realization that life is so good and so beautiful."

She pointed out that she was not nearly as angry with Seth's death as she was with Ben's.

"I think Seth showed me that this is the natural progression of life," said Sarah. "I felt that Seth was truly in God's hands and he didn't have to suffer anymore. That is a beautiful thing. I also know that he is with Ben and in God's arms."

The feeling of hope, she noted, was no stronger than when she was watching the film, The Passion of the Christ.

"It is through Christ's death that we have the chance to live on," she said. "It is so comforting to know that our loved ones live on." She can't wait to see them again one day.

In her collegiate running career, Sarah has competed in all three seasons - cross country, indoor track and outdoor track. One of the highlights of her track career was when Seth made a trip to Lincoln to watch her run the 2-mile steeple chase at the regional meet. She qualified for nationals that day.

Recently, she qualified for regionals this year and has the Big Ten Conference meet coming up.

Sarah mentioned that she loves the release she finds as she runs, but it has been difficult trying to stay focused. At the same time, the loss keeps her grounded.

"Running is a way to help me let go and how to trust," she said.

Later this summer, the Remsen native will work for the U.S. Olympic Committee during the Para Olympics to be held after the regular Olympic games in Athens. These are the same games for which Seth had been in training.