Memory garden adds beauty to Remsen St. Mary's

By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
October 2, 2003

Upon the death of her teenage son about two years ago, Mary Arens wanted to establish a memory garden on the grounds of St. Mary's School in Remsen in his honor.

She mentioned that for some time she had noticed the front of the school was in need of being spruced up. Years ago Father Paul Eisele had cultivated some beautiful flowerbeds there, but through the years they were neglected.

"I remember walking by it all the time and thinking that this is not very welcoming or inviting to our guests or students," recalled Arens, who is the spiritual life director at the school. "After Ben died, I thought that I would just clean up a small area - plant a few trees and do it in his memory."

Since that time, the scope of the memory garden grew, as did the area it was originally set to encompass. Then her brother Jim suggested she invite everyone who had lost a child to remember their loved one through the garden.

"From there it grew into a huge project," said Arens, who added that they had lost an 18-year-old sister years earlier.

On Sept. 27, the memory garden was dedicated in honor of 22 individuals who ranged from school age to young adults in their early 20s. Families of these deceased young people were invited to participate in the dedication service that was led by Father Tim Johnson, pastor at St. Mary Church.

"About 175 people were on hand and we all had that one common thread," noted Arens.

Held in the evening, candles were placed throughout the garden for the service. Father Johnson blessed a stone pedestal containing an imprint of a Bible that lists the verse - "On this day I will be with you in paradise." The other side of the book image contains the names of the 22 young people. The priest read the names and those gathered paused in silence after each.

In the gymnasium, the families viewed a 30-minute PowerPoint presentation, it included pictures of all 22 young people, interspersed with nature photos and Scripture verses.

Connie Kellen, a St. Mary's staff member, put together the computer presentation, which began with the Hopi Prayer that was used at Ben's funeral. The prayer begins, "Do not stand by my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep." To Arens, this represents eternal life.

The PowerPoint concluded with the Scripture verse from Isaiah, "I will never forget you." Those present spread the light of their faith as they lit each others candles in the darkened gym. A dessert social capped the evening.

While some tears were shed during the evening, Arens found it to be a joyous occasion.

Her son, Ben, died on April 29, 2001 and some of the initial cement work began that very summer. They tore out old cement and poured new. An Alumnus from St. Mary's, Rod Gengler of Omaha laid a stencil pattern on the cement to create a stone look.

He was one of many people who provided financial contributions or labor. Some people gave flowers out of their own gardens from ones that had been passed down in their families. Arens noted that one of the most instrumental individuals in the project was Marge Schroeder. She had approached Schroeder about the project because a statue of Mary that had been displayed in the area where the new garden was planned was in need of being repainted. The statue was originally given in honor of Schroeder's mother-in-law who died about 20 years ago.

"Marge had suggested that I come out and look at her flower bed; she had over 90 varieties of flowers," said Arens. "Right away I thought this would be the person who would be the backbone of this project."

Starting this spring, Schroeder offered her expertise in the design. In the end, the garden was much bigger than Arens had anticipated.

"We planted perennials and annuals along with it, and we also incorporated at birdbath with it. I want the garden to be full of life - that was my goal," said Arens, who planted the bulk of the flowers on some of the hottest days of the year. "This year alone, all of the butterflies were incredible. I did plant a dwarf cherry tree because I want the birds to come."

While the main section of the garden is complete, next year more flowers and landscaping will enhance the school's backyard.

"My thought was that I didn't want these children forgotten," she explained. "Now, everyday, when someone comes to school they can read their names. It is a way to keep their memory alive and so many of these are related to the students here."