Keeping up with the Jones'

By FATHER JAMES FANGMAN
June 19, 2003

It all started the day that someone said that they were going to give their children the things that they were deprived of when they were growing up. Other parents picked this up, and eventually this became the common thinking of most families. They wanted to show their love for their children, and hoped that the children would remember this and respond accordingly.

It happened just after World War II. Many of our men, and some women, who had been in the service, were able to get government money (the G.I. Bill) to help them attain a college education or receive specialized training in some skill. With this behind them, they were able to get better jobs, better wages/salaries. What happened, gradually in many homes, was that many parents became 'givers' and their children became 'takers.'

Naturally parents could give only in proportion to what they could afford. For some it was easy, but for others it wasn't. With the cost of living continually going upward over the years, more wives and mothers wanted to get a job. This way, while keeping up, they could also improve their living conditions.

Many of these families allowed themselves gradually to be pressured by what their neighbors were doing ('keeping up with the Jones'), and also by their children's growing demands. "If you give something to one, you have to give something to the others - whether they deserve it or not." Obviously they didn't want to lose the love of their children, nor did they (and their children) want to be embarrassed in their neighborhoods and schools.

Their initial plan was good; it was a loving expression toward their children, and for this reason, we can take our hats off to these parents up through the years. But something went wrong. When many of these children continued to receive a lot of gifts and favors, even without earning them, they almost immediately became 'takers.' Now, they have been 'on the take' for so long, they certainly don't want it to change. Many of them realized that they didn't have to earn or merit these things.

Do you suppose that this may be one of the main reasons why so many young people have lost respect for their parents, who have been trying to do so much for them? We know how many of these parents feel. How many of our children today willingly help around home? How many (and on their own) go out searching for jobs (and keep them), to earn enough money to begin paying for the things they need and want?

The kids that do go out and get these jobs, and manage to take care of a lot of their own expenses are a credit to their families. They appreciate the value of the dollar. They are learning to respect and take care of what they have; and now they also respect other people's property. These also are the ones who refuse to cheat in school. Because of all of this, they have a healthy self-esteem, along with confidence in themselves and a desire to succeed. How we wish more of them learned or are learning this. After all, they will be our future leaders!

Furthermore, it didn't take long for some of the older ones to realize that they could come and go and do as they pleased', which stripped their parents of any control over them. An old saying is still true, "Once you throw in the reins, you have lost control." As I said before, so many parents 'caved in' to their children, this has actually caused a lessening of these young people's love and respect for them, which is really sad. Many of them won't admit it, but more of these parents have been and are really hurting deep inside themselves because they realize this.

One more thing to think about, we were told awhile back that about seven out of ten marriages have and are now ending up in the divorce courts. Maybe it's not that high around here. Anyway, a questionnaire was sent out to many court and church people around the country who help couples prepare for their marriages and witness them. These were asked what they thought was the main reason for so many marriage failures. Their returned response was almost unanimous.

They felt that the main reason for all of this was emotional immaturity - selfishness, on the part of one or both parties. To many, this was only a social event; not a sacred covenant that they entered into with God himself. They 'were so much in love' they never knew or gave God the opportunity to be the third party of their marriage. Think about this!

Now the big question, can parents get back what they have lost, and if not, what can they do - how? I don't know the answer to that, but we all know that the youth of today and tomorrow are the future of this nation and also of the church, here and wherever else they happen to sink their roots.

The church is where we all can find God in our lives, if we haven't already. It is in our church participation that we will gradually experience God's presence and perfect love for each and every one of us. Did you notice that it won't be instantaneous? Please remember that every one of us must invite God to occupy first place in our mind, in our souls and in each and everyday of our lives. He will never force himself on us; He respects the freedom he gave us, and our 'work' will never suffer as the result. Therefore if we live our everyday lives with God as our best friend, beautiful and lasting good things will happen - and can do a lot to make up for our past mistakes.

God bless you and yours.