By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
Posted March 20, 2003

HOLSTEIN - As a Holstein couple approaches their 50th wedding anniversary this May, Norma Kofmehl knows how important it is to commit to one's wedding vows - especially the part about in sickness and in health.

For the last 32 years Norma has cared about and for her husband, Charles. Now age 76, he was just 44 years old when on May 6, 1971 he suffered an aneurysm of the brain and a stroke.

Norma, 73, was 41 at the time. They had four children whose ages in 1971 were 7, 11, 12 and 15.

"He has global aphasia. He can't speak - only in a few words - he can't comprehend and he doesn't read or write," she explained. The reactions are slow and he is paralyzed on the right side.

After four months in the hospital following the stroke, doctors told Norma that he would never be able to go home. When he came home from the hospital Chuck could only say yes or no - often confusing the two.

They were not aware of Chuck's determination nor Norma's. She worked with him everyday on physical and speech therapy. For awhile, they worked on reading but gave it up after he couldn't remember what he would read. Eventually he could walk with the aid of a brace, but as he has aged, he now spends most of his time in a wheelchair.

"He is a very unusual person. There are not many like him," said Norma, who added that about a year before his stroke he had helped to build the golf course at Holstein. "He had one good year of playing golf. He was an excellent athlete."

She pointed out that he was very active in the community. Chuck, who had been manager of Iowa Public Service, had served on a number of community boards and councils.

These days he does puzzles and plays solitaire and Gin Rummy to pass the time. One friend in particular, a fellow parishioners at Our Lady of Good Counsel, finds the time to make regular visits to Chuck for a game of Gin Rummy.

While it has been difficult at times, Norma would have done it again. From the beginning, she said, they were meant for each other as they were both strong Catholics.

Norma pointed out that Chuck wanted to marry a Catholic, a non-smoker with a sense of humor.

"He is an extremely religious man," she said. "I don't know that I would be the way I am if it hadn't been for him." She often jokes that she will make it to heaven on Chuck's coattails.

On May 2 they will be married 50 years.

"I have a strong desire to take care of him because he is such a good man and he would have done it for me," stressed Norma, who is a Eucharistic minister at Our Lady of Good Counsel.

She credits faith and love for her resolve to care for Chuck.

After caring for her husband for so many years, Norma became involved in the BeFriender Ministry at OLGC in 1997.

"At that first training meeting we all told about things in our lives and we all had something we cried about," she said. "Becoming a BeFriender has been a real highlight of my life - doing something that maybe a lot of people can't do."

She also helps to lead a Bible study.

"We are studying the Book of Wisdom and to gain wisdom it does take suffering. You don't get through life easy and gain a lot of wisdom. It's through hard work and suffering that you gain wisdom," said Norma, who worked part-time at the local grocery for 27 years.

Fortunately, her own good health has allowed her to care for her husband. She pointed out that she has suffered two month-long bouts with depression that required hospitalization. One was before his stroke and another after. That was her only extended time away from home - no vacations. Norma, who is part of bridge club and exercise group, has only left Chuck for three to four hours at a time other than a few brief trips to visit her daughter in Des Moines.

Her life experiences have helped her in her BeFriender Ministry.

"People have said that I am a good listener," she said. "I do enjoy visiting with older people and I am very much at ease visiting them." Norma visits the elderly at the nursing home on a regular basis.

The ministry has given her more confidence to talk to others and the pleasure of knowing that she has a needed skill.

A strong believer in the Holy Spirit, she credits God for the enlightenment and courage to get through the day.

Even with all of the life struggles, Norma said the day she married Chuck was one of God's greatest gifts to her.

Along with her faith, she also views her children and friends as some of God's special gifts in her life. Her children - Tom, David, Kristine and Steve - continually strive to make her life easier. Her parish has also been a blessing as she acknowledged that the bulk of her social life is connected to parish activities.

"I believe that the Lord is taking care of us. If you put your love and faith in the Lord with all of your heart, he will take care of you," said Norma.