Retreat offers enrichment to married couples

By RENEE WEBB, Globe editor
Posted February 13, 2003

Living the Promised Life: A Spirituality of Marriage was the name and theme of a marriage enrichment retreat held Feb. 8 and 9 at St. Michael Parish Center in Sioux City.

Thirty-three couples attended the two-day retreat that was sponsored by the adult and family ministries department of the Office of Faith Formation for the Diocese of Sioux City. The retreat was created and facilitated by Mary Jo Pedersen of Omaha, who holds her master's in theology and is a staff member of the Family Life Office for the Archdiocese of Omaha.

According to Bev Hurni, family programs director, couples came from all over the diocese from Wesley to Boone. Two couples came from outside of the diocese.

"The couples length of marriages ranged from seven months to 48 years," she said.

She pointed out that when Bishop Lawrence D. Soens celebrated Mass for the group, he made special mention of the diverse range of ages. The retired bishop believed that the diversity would add to their retreat experience.

In evaluations, some couples mentioned the value in the diversity of the group.

Kay Morrissey, director of the Office of Faith Formation, said the retreat participants gained information as the presentations were based on Scripture, tradition and current research.

"People appeared to be very grateful for the retreat," she said.

Morrissey acknowledged the commitment made by the couples that took time away from their busy schedules to focus on the marriage relationships.

The retreat addressed a number of issues pertinent to married life.

During the retreat, Pedersen asked the couples to remember what they had promised on their wedding day - to love and honor one another. The couples were also asked to reflect upon the marriage vocation where they work toward oneness while maintaining individuality.

"They were encouraged to look at the marriage over the years and reflect on changes that have happened, what caused those changes and how they saw God's presence," said Hurni.

In one activity following a talk by Pedersen, the couples were asked to complete the sentence: "I am committed to my spouse and our marriage because..."

"One of the things that the couples mentioned they appreciated was that she (Pedersen) had research and writings of the church that backed up what she said. They were impressed with her knowledge base," said Hurni.

The retreat facilitator also encouraged them to reflect upon what they contributed to their marriage and asked them to keep in mind the gender and personality differences.

"Those differences may have attracted us originally because we seek balance in our life, but as we live life they can be a source of conflict," said Hurni.

In a talk centered on marriage as a sacrament, Pedersen spoke to the couples about how their relationship is a sign to their children and their community of God's presence.

At one point, the facilitator had them write concrete promises as a couple. They kept that promise in mind particularly as she asked them to approach the reception of the Eucharist side-by-side during the liturgy that was held in the chapel.

"She also talked about how marriages go through cycles - infatuation, disillusionment and intimacy," noted Hurni. "Couples should expect that cycle and when they are in disillusionment they need to pay attention and really work on their marriage because that is the time when they can become separated." She related this to the paschal mystery where the have Good Fridays, Holy Saturdays and Easter Sunday.

Sexuality, spirituality and viewing marriages as an asset that needed preventative care were also among topics addressed in other talks during the retreat.

The retreat allowed for some small group discussion but mainly focused on time for the couples to dialogue as a single unit. It also offered fun time with a take on the game show Newlywed Game, featuring the Oldywed Game.

Reconciliation was another key element of the retreat. During the examination of conscience, Pedersen encouraged couples to look at how they had strengthened their marriages and how they had weakened it.

Bishop Soens, Father Tim Hogan and Father Bob Condon were on hand for people to make the sacrament of reconciliation.

Organizers of the retreat said they would like to offer the retreat again because many couples commented that they would recommend it to their friends and fellow parishioners.

One of the retreat participants said the retreat exceeded all of her expectations.

Some couples expressed a desire to continue to network with others who attended the retreat, noted Morrissey. She added that the couples also left with a list of materials and resources that would enable them to continue conversations at home.