Prayer service offers opportunity to grieve

By Kenny Keane, Globe staff reporter
Posted November 14, 2002

FORT DODGE - The "Respect Life" month of October is not just about the issues of abortion or the death penalty. It is about all forms of life - young and old, born and unborn. For those who lost a child to miscarriage or stillbirth, a prayer service was offered on Oct. 24 at Sacred Heart Church in Fort Dodge.

Sister Margaret Kruse, SSSF, pastoral minister for the Webster County Catholic Team, joined with the BeFrienders from Sacred Heart Parish to organize the prayer service. She said she received information from the diocesan office back in September that one of the ideas for "Respect Life" month was to have a prayer service for families who had infants who had died prior to birth or right after birth. So she contacted the office, and they sent her an outline of a prayer service to use.

"We had it over in the chapel at Sacred Heart. We wanted it to be a more informal setting," Sister Margaret said. "We had some chairs to form a circle around a prayer center and invited people to begin with a song. Then we had an opening prayer and a couple readings.

"We did a naming ritual where the people who had lost someone would say who they were and the name of their child. Then they lit a candle and were able to take that candle home with them."

Sister said that a couple of the people who came had never had an opportunity to express their loss, and this offered the opportunity for some healing.

"Some crying took place to relieve themselves of the grief that they had never let loose," she said. "In the case of one person, it was for a great length of time, and for another, it was a shorter length. I think it was a very healing experience for them."

The experience hit close to home for one BeFriender coordinator, Wynn Touney, who lost three grandchildren.

"Actually, as I went into it, I was thinking of the unborn children lost as a result of miscarriages," said Touney, who also helped plan the service. "It became more evident to me how meaningful it is even in that situation. I knew how stressful it was for the parents to do that, and having gone through that situation, you're kind of standing apart from that.

"You're trying to be supportive, and yet, you're not experiencing all that they did. Yet in that service, I realized more how meaningful that was for me at that time."

Although it was a positive experience for those present, Sister Margaret said they only had eight people participate in the prayer service, which lasted about 45 minutes. She said part of it might have been that people were not used to it or that it simply was a time that many were not available.

Whatever the case, Sister Margaret said she plans to hold the prayer service next year around All Souls' Day and invite anyone who has had a death - particularly those who have had a death in the previous year - in hopes that more people will attend.

"I really felt that those who were there experienced God's presence in a new way," she said. "This is an opportunity for people to gather with others who have had a death and to share the grief and the pain with one another. I think for next year, opening it up to anyone who has lost someone could be a good healing opportunity."

Touney, who also lost her husband in 1994, said she agrees with Sister Margaret about opening it up to all who have experienced a death.

"I think it's very hard for people because they don't want to conjure up those same terrible feelings," Touney said. "Yet, bringing in the context of prayer and realizing that you really come into the company of people who are very supportive and very concerned with whatever might be happening to you, that's really important in the event."