Diocese to hold training for Sponsor Couples
By RENEE WEBB
Globe associate editor
Posted August 22, 2002

Recent research has revealed that couples found marriage preparation most effective when there was a team approach - involvement of the clergy and married couples.

With that in mind, Bev Hurni, director of family ministries for the diocese, pointed out that Sponsor Couple is one of the two preferred methods of marriage preparation in the Diocese of Sioux City with Engaged Enrichment as the other.

The Sponsor Couple works one to one with an engaged couple as they prepare for their vocation of marriage.

Sponsor Couple training will be held from 6 to 8:30 p.m., Sept. 22, at Sacred Heart Parish Center in Early.

"We are looking for couples who have grown together through the ups and downs of marriage and can witness to that," said Hurni. "We would like for them to have a strong faith." They seek couples that are faithful to problem solving within their marriage and family life.

She stressed that the couples are not expected to be experts or to portray a perfect marriage. They are to share the message that life-long marriage is possible and it is life giving.

"We would like for them to have good communication skills and their marriage is an example of mutuality - equal and respectful," said Hurni.

It is recommended that couples be married at least four or five years so that they can bring plenty of experience to the marriage prep sessions.

Parishes are encouraged to have enough trained Sponsor Couples so the couple would need mentor only one or two engaged couples per year.

"This is a very good ministry for clusters to work together on, especially in smaller, rural areas," said Hurni. "Sometimes engaged couples prefer to be mentored by a couple they don't know already."

Typically, sponsor couples meet with engaged couples five times for about 90 minutes. Usually, they meet in the home of the Sponsor Couple so there is no need for a babysitter.

"This can also give the engaged couples a true taste for family life," she said.

The first session centers on the gifts that each person will bring to the marriage as well as the baggage they carry.

"When two people marry, it is actually two families," explained Hurni. "They bring different sets of values, expectations and assumptions to the marriage."

The second session addresses the expectations and assumptions that each person has on a variety of topics such as money, children, household chores and religion.

Session three looks at communication and conflict resolution.

Sexuality and intimacy are addressed in session four.

Session five centers on spirituality.

"Interfaith couples usually have a lot of things to discuss, but even two Catholics may practice the faith differently," she noted.

These five areas will be discussed in the upcoming Sponsor Couple training. The couples will receive a workbook that breaks the meetings into five units. Based on the answers of the engaged couples, the Sponsor Couple can focus on certain areas that appear to need further discussion.

Sponsor Couples only need to share their personal experiences they are comfortable in sharing.

When determining when they will get together, the two couples work out a schedule that meets all of their needs. While five sessions are preferred, if it is a situation where the engaged couple has to travel from out-of-town they may opt to meet three times. However, the five sessions are recommended.

"One reason it is held in five sessions is that trust builds between the couples as they continue to meet and share," said Hurni.

Many Sponsor Couples have commented that they like the ministry because it has helped to enrich their own marriage and keeps them focused on the need to continually work on the relationship.

Along with helping an engaged couple prepare for married life, the meetings are often a chance for the married couples to evangelize.

"If the engaged couple is going to remain in the parish after the wedding, the Sponsor Couple can continue to mentor them in parish life - serve with them at parish dinners. It can make them feel like they belong to the community," she explained.

Engaged couples also meet with the pastor or deacon several times. During one of those meetings, the couple takes a FOCCUS marriage inventory and together they learn the couple's strengths and areas that may need growth. The pastor or deacon also helps them plan the wedding liturgy and fill out necessary forms.

Couples interested in this ministry may contact their pastor or Hurni at (712) 233-7531. Those who plan to attend the Sept. 22 training session should contact her. There is no cost to couples taking part in the training.