Sloan couple offer gift of time and experiences
By KATIE LEFEBVRE
Globe staff writer
Posted August 15, 2002

SLOAN - The gift of experience is one that Gene and Jean Smith give to the Cana II program. The couple has been sharing with other second marriage couples what they have experienced in marriage for about eight or nine years.

Cana II is a program set up to help couples that are either both going into a second marriage or one person in the couple is going into a second marriage. The couple commented that Kay Morrissey of the Office of Adult and Family Ministries, was the first to ask them to help.

"They were wanting to have couples help present the program," said Gene. "I think prior to that there was only one person presenting the program."

The couple sat in as observers on a day of Cana II in Sioux City to learn what the program was all about. The program is laid out in a manual and the presenter used that to administer the program. The Smiths now use a similar manual to help present the program.

"The manual has changed over the years, they have added and subtracted," said Jean. "They might even have a different manual now."

The program has eight topics that are discussed with the couples entering marriage. Personality types, second marriage myths, basic communication, family of origin, finances, dual careers, sexuality and intimacy and spirituality in marriage are topics discussed during the program. Three couples split up the eight topics for presentation.

The day starts about 9 a.m. with a lunch and goes until about 3 p.m. in terms of covering the eight topics in one day.

"Couples come in from all over the diocese," said Gene. "They are supposed to attend this before they go back to the priest who is going to officiate at the wedding ceremony. They take a certificate showing that they have completed the day of Cana II."

There are three sessions held each year in either Carroll, Fort Dodge, Manson or Sioux City. The couples look at when they have planned their wedding and see which of the three sessions is going to take place prior to their wedding. The Smiths as well as the soon to be married couples travel to the designated place for the Cana II program.

"The age range of the couples ranges sometimes from the teens to 80," said Jean.

"We are supposed to provide a little bit of theory and a whole lot of practical experience in terms of what we have actually experienced within our own marriages that have been examples of second marriages," said Gene.

The program is for the most part presented to a group of couples and not usually to one couple. All of the sessions are attended in a larger group but there is "couple time" for the couples to discuss what they have heard. Sometimes the couples go back to the group to talk about what they discussed, but other times it is just for the couple to take home with them to think about.

"Once we have shared what we want to share about the topic, then there are very specific questions for them to consider in the packet that they receive. There is time provided for them to visit with each other," said Gene.

A lot of what is discussed is the need for them to consider what they have not already addressed among themselves. They are encouraged to talk about the eight areas presented in the Cana II session.

"This is good for people who are coming together with possibly different religious backgrounds," said Gene. "Some people have actually been married two times and are entering into number three."

There are times when the couples don't know when they will be able to get married so they come to a session when it works for them.

"Some are trying to get their marriages annulled and don't know when they are going to be able to get married again," commented Jean.

Jean and Gene commented that the couples are not very certain about how the day will go. The couples think the day will take forever to pass, but it actually goes fast. "When they leave, they are happy they came," noted Jean.

"You aren't alone in this, there are other people going through the same thing you are," said Jean. "They probably get as much from talking to the other couples as they do from us."

For the people attending as well as the couples presenting it is worthwhile. "It appears from the evaluations that we get that for most of them there has been help from the comments and ideas that have been shared," added Gene. "Some things that they had never thought about or considered were presented to them."