BE allows people a fresh start
BY RENEE WEBB
Globe associate editor
Posted May 16, 2002

Beginning Experience is designed to help give a fresh start to persons who have experienced the loss of a loved one through death or divorce.

Started by the Catholic Church, it is a Christ-based ecumenical program that welcomes people of all faiths.

"BE offers supports from people in similar circumstances," said Ron Plum, BE board president who is a parishioner at St. Patrick's in Sheldon. Most people find great comfort in the fact that it is a peer ministry.

He pointed out that people who attend the weekend are usually ready to move onto their next phase of their life.

Each BE Weekend is set up with a similar format. Participants arrive at 8 p.m. Friday and become familiar with others through conversation and icebreakers. Large group presentations, small group discussions, journaling and prayer services are major components of the weekend that concludes on Sunday afternoon.

The next BE Weekend will be held June 21-23 at St. Patrick's in Sheldon.

"The weekends are very dynamic," described Barb Grevengoed, a BE board member and facilitator of the BE levels program. "You get really deep into your feelings over the weekend and are able to talk about those feelings with people who have been there."

She explained that the weekends allow people an opportunity to work on their own grief - freeing them up to go on with their life.

"For me, it completely turned my life around," said Grevengoed. "To me, it was the best gift I ever gave myself."

Wanda Harrell, a parishioner at Sacred Heart in Ida Grove, the BE Weekend held in March. She called it a very healing and spiritual experience.

For her, BE provided a chance to work through and relieve a great deal of frustration. She acknowledged that the weekend was definitely not fun, but at the same time she found it to be an awesome experience.

"I plan to attend another weekend in June," noted Harrell. "I would like to become active in the BE ministry - give back to the organization that helped me so much."

Carol Lytle of Storm Lake also attended BE in March. She pointed out that since she had been divorced for the second time 12 years, she had to reopen some of the past wounds and determine if she had closure on the relationship.

"I had some new insights from others' stories and sharing my own again," she said. "Had I had an opportunity like this after my first divorce, I might have made better choices for myself - not gotten into that second marriage that was short and difficult."

While finding BE to be of great value, Lytle noted that she was surprised by the amount of emotional work involved in the weekend.

Debbie Windle of Orange City described BE as life changing.

"It was hard and very intense, but in a good way," she said. "It helped me deal with the emotions that I was going through and helped me face up to some of the unforgiveness that I had in my heart." The lack of forgiveness had led to anger within her. The weekend helped release both of those emotions, enabling her to better transition into single life.

She particularly liked the fact that BE was Christian-based and Christ-centered. Windle got so much out of the weekend that she would encourage anyone who has experienced a death or divorce of a loved one to attend.

BE can lead to healthier family relationships, increased emotional health and self respect, greater contributions to the community, renewed energy for parenting and possibly a return to church.

According to Bev Hurni, family programs director of the Diocese of Sioux City, BE guidelines recommend that participants be widowed at least one year, divorced at least six months or separated six to nine months with impending divorce.

BE participants have ranged in age from late 20s to mid-70s.

"The weekend helps people understand and get through the grieving process that is involved in a loss," said Plum, whose wife had died. "The second benefit is that you meet a lot of new people that have been through similar circumstances. The third major benefit is the ability to focus on what you want in your life from that point on."

In addition to the BE Weekends, the levels program meets on a weekly basis in Orange City. It covers many of the same things as do the weekends, but at a slower pace.

For more information about BE or to register for the upcoming weekend, contact Bev Hurni with the Diocese of Sioux City at (712) 233-7531. Cost of the weekend is $90, however, no one is turned away for inability to pay. The registration deadline is June 14. Future BE Weekends will be held Nov. 1-3, 2002, and March 14-16, 2003, both at Camp Okoboji.