Prayer for a golfer

A dermatologist and his wife are on the golf course. It’s a very warm day and both are exhausted. Finally, he looks over at his caddie wife and says, “Sweetheart, please stop checking your watch all the time; it’s distracting.”

She softly says, “This isn’t a watch, dear; it’s a compass.”

Like many, I have my favorites when I am watching golf tournaments. They automatically get extra points in my book, if they are left-handed. The one I always try to focus on has nine letters in his last name, of which three are vowels. (For 50 points, can you guess who it is?) I noticed there were many states and countries represented at the 2018 Masters Golf Tournament, but I didn’t seen any Midwestern states mentioned, like Iowa. Did you know the winner of the tournament was a right-handed golfer who won $1.98 million?

Did you hear the joke about four priests, wearing their secular clothes, who decided to play golf? Each one hired a caddie and they set out for one of the toughest golf courses anywhere.

After a time, one caddie spoke up, “You men wouldn’t happen to be priests, would you?”

“Why do you ask?” said one of the anonymous clerics.

“Well, it’s just that your language is so clean, and your golf is so bad,” he replied.

St. Sebastian is the patron saint of athletes, including golf, and soldiers. In artwork, St. Sebastian is depicted with arrows shot into his body, after the Emperor Diocletian sentenced him to death. He survived and confronted the Roman emperor, who was quite surprised at his appearance, but again sentenced him to death, and his second execution was successful. I’m sure he walked in the ways of faith and trust in Christ and did not need a compass.

I checked online and found golf medals, ranging from $55 to more than $1,000. You must be serious about golf to buy a gold St. Sebastian golf pendant.

The Golfer’s Prayer

When facing outward on life’s tee  What’er may be my fate,  Grant – I pray – this boom to me  That I may drive them straight  And if my best be not enough  Then give me courage high,  To go out there into the rough And play them as they lie And when on life’s putting green  Others make the cup,  If I do not, may I come clean  And always be well up. So when my game of life is played And my clubs are laid aside,  No matter what mistakes I’ve made  May I have qualified.

Father Dennis Meinen serves as chaplain at Holy Spirit Retirement Home, Sioux City, for Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts in the diocese, and Faithful Friar of the Garrigan 4th Degree Assembly of the Knights of Columbus, Sioux City.

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